I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
