My liver just broke up with me...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize