My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
