My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
