You're completely useless in the revolution.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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