If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Pants are for mortals
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize