i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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