Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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