what day is it and did you see me today?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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