If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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