We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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