I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize