Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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