This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize