Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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