New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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