The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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