mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Vodka?
Forever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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