dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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