And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize