if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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