apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
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we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
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Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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