Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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