got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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