proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize