It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize