I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The Olympian is in my bed
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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