she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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