I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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