I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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