I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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