I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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