Cold hands, warm shart.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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