forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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