I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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