Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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