Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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