Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize