Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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