it hurts more in the daytime
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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