If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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