Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize