This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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