i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
