$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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