I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize