The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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