I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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