then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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