i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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