3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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