So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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