using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think my fart just growled at me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize