Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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